Demonstrating Everything

Two Division One players were discussing their wives in the bar one evening.
'My wife's as deaf as a post,' said one. 'I have to demonstrate everything to her to make her understand. When we played Featherstone Rovers, I had to wave a feather under her nose before she got it. And last week, when we played Saltburn, I had to wave the salt-cellar about before she understood.'
'You'll have a hell of a job next week, then,' said his mate. 'We're playing Cockermouth!'