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Exercise jokes, exercise humour and comedy.

His idea of exercise is to sit in the tub, pull the plug, and fight the current.


I've been working out every day this week. My TV remote is broken, and getting up out of the chair 50 times a night is really tough.


The first machine the health club put me on was the respirator.


I enjoy long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.


Exercise must be good for you. My wife's tongue has never been sick a day in her life.


My wife was forced to quit her aerobics class because she broke a toe. Unfortunately, it wasn't hers.


My idea of exercise is ripping the wrapper off a Tastykake.


I joined an aerobics class for overweight men. We meet in the church basement. Well, actually we were on the first floor when we started last week.


I have a new incentive to do sit-ups. I put M&M's between my toes.


He's into heavy lifting. He carries his lunch to work.


The only exercise he gets is running after the Good Humor truck.


The doctor is really subtle. He suggested that I lend my body to someone who will exercise it.


There's nothing like getting up at 5 a.m, jogging six miles, and then taking an ice-cold shower. There's nothing like it, so I don't do it.


He's developing a more active lifestyle. Now he sits and watches aerobics shows on television.


My exercise club has a relaxed approach. If all the exercise machines are in use, I can wait in the snack bar and have a chocolate sundae until it's my turn.


I really need exercise. I get winded just winding my watch. I'm not in great shape. I blacked out putting my socks on.


Exercise wouldn't be a problem with me if I had a different body to do it with.


If it weren't for parking lots, some of us wouldn't do any walking at all.


Every time I get an urge to exercise, I sit down with a bag of chips and wait until the urge goes away.


After we do our aerobics, we always check the scales the Richter Scale, that is.


The doctor said, "Walking is healthier than driving." I said, "When was the last time you saw a mailman who looked healthier than a truck driver?"


I gave up exercising. I can't stand the noise.


I bought a rowing machine, but I haven't used it yet. I haven't been able to tear the carton open.


My approach to exercise is casual. I enrolled in a correspondence course at the health spa.


I get all the exercise I need these days just by bending down to pick up those blank subscription cards that fall out of magazines.


I did forty laps this afternoon. I ate in a revolving restaurant.


A woman was hit by a truck. In her dying breath, she was heard to say, "Thank goodness. No more aerobics."


How can one believe in survival of the fittest when you look at some of the people running around in jogging shorts?


I asked the instructor at the health club what I could do for my body, and he said, "Schedule it for demolition."


I owe my athletic physique to my wife and clean living. "Clean the car...clean the attic...clean the garage. "


I prefer sit-ups to jumping jacks. At least I get to lie down after each one.


I exercise religiously. I do one sit-up and then I say, "Amen!"


I met a friend jogging in the park. Well, he was jogging and I was sitting on a bench.


I gave up exercising when I broke my nose doing push-ups.


Don't forget, your brain needs exercise, too. Therefore, spend lots of time thinking up excuses for not working out.


Fitness nuts are going to feel really stupid lying in a hospital bed some day dying of nothing.


It's back to school time when all those kids who spent the summer at exclusive camps learning to be rugged, fit and independent, are standing on a corner waiting for the school bus to carry them three blocks to school.


You know that you're out of shape when you can't pull supermarket shopping carts apart.


These days many people get their exercise jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, dodging responsibilities, bending the rules, running down everything, circulating rumors, passing the buck, stirring up trouble, shooting the bull, digging up dirt, slinging mud, throwing their weight around, beating the system, and pushing their luck.


My figure used to be my fame, And helped me get ahead, But that was fifteen years ago, And now my fame has spread.


When I was younger, I looked forward to getting up early in the morning to exercise. Now, getting out of bed in the morning is my exercise.


Books on exercise are selling by the thousands. And there's a reason for this. It's a lot easier to read than it is to exercise.


His idea of vigorous exercise is to lift his feet while his wife is vacuuming.


This is a big day for me. Today I am taking the training wheels off my Exercycle.


I get enough exercise by stumbling about a mile each day looking for my glasses.

 

 


   


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